Idol Recap 4/15

Mariah Carey week... the biggest chance for trainwrecks since Lennon/McCartney week. I agreed with the judges at the outset that the ladies had the biggest challenge and I agree with them at the end that the men hit the ball out of the park tonight. Easiest for me will be to rank the performances in order from best to worst:

David Cook - I spent the entire first half of this song not able to tell if I liked it or if I hated it. And then the wife and I realized that we were comparing the song too much to the Mariah version. Putting the Mariah version out of our minds, David's version was nothing short of brilliant and is the second time this season I have been tempted to spend 99 cents on an Idol iTunes version. The best thing to happen to David would be getting voted off tomorrow. He'd have record producers lined up around the corner to pay him millions. Absolutely magnificent and incredible.

David Archuleta - Seeing his very wooden (no pun intended) hug of Mariah Carey in which he looked like a deer in headlights, I couldn't help but think of Garth in Wayne's World ask Wayne timidly if he remembered getting that funny feeling in gym class when he climbed up the ropes. It's entirely possible David was having unpure thoughts for the first time in his life. No big deal, he's banished to eternal damnation. Tonight we saw again that David has a great voice and the personality and charisma of a doorknob when he sings. He'll sell records on the radio because he's robotically just a great singer. But as a performer, he sucks.

Jason Castro - I didn't dig the whole performance but it was still better than the remaining four. Jason is good at the type of music he loves to sing. He always appears to have fun and not take himself too seriously. He's like that loveable stoner who you can never get mad at. Jason did more than enough tonight to make the teeny-boppers who love his girlish cheekbones and luscious eyelashes speeddial for him a few million times. He'll be back next week.

Syesha Mercado - God do I want her voted off. As much as J-Red hated Kristy Lee a few weeks ago, I hate Syesha more now. I hate her phonyness. I hate her interviews. I hate her plastered on stage grin that reminds me of the Kim Wayans character in the Lil' Magic sketches on In Living Color when Kim Wayans played a schoolgirl who auditioned for big parts and got bossed around by her stage mom played by David Alan Grier ("I'm Ms. Smile Bright 1987!!!") Alright, that rant done, she did a very smart thing by singing a song I've never heard so all I can say is she sang with some good range and hit some heavy notes. She's been persistent bottom three so she'll have to overcome the country western voters who love Kristy Lee.

Kristy Lee Cook - Again, smart girl picking something I've never heard. She's getting better and better as the weeks go on but she's still light years away from winning this competition. She's also light years ahead of the girl who had to sing Amazing Grace twice to make it out of Hollywood Week. I fear bottom three for Kristy Lee but with her solid voting bloc, she could escape given the clusterfuck performances we saw from the remaining two girls.

Carly Smithson - At least she looked like she was having fun tonight and she did make her tatt'ed up fiance cry out in the audience. Although maybe that was allergic reaction or ink poisoning or something that was causing tears to well in his eyes. Regardless, she fell into the trap of singing a really recognizable song that somebody who doesn't have Mariah's range just can't escape comparison unless you put your own unique spin on it. She did a decent job but she will be in the bottom three (and possibly voted off) because I think her fan base is dwindling, she performed too early in the show, and she sang a weak version of a famous song.

Brooke White - Dude. Seriously. You missed your sister's wedding for American Idol? At least you have like 21 sisters and brothers. I would say I'm sure you weren't missed, but given how much you talk to the judges and can't seem to quell your ego to just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN IF THEY DARE CRITIQUE YOU WITHOUT REASSURING THEM THAT IT'S OKAY TO CRITIQUE YOU, I dare say you were likely impossible to miss at the wedding. You know how I know you have a big ego? When Ryan jokingly talked about getting a cardboard cutout of you for the wedding and you slipped that you had actually looked into it. Anyway, we had an almost David Archuleta moment with you tonight and you almost cracked on stage. Visibly shaking at the end of the song, the Carole King meets Mariah Carey thing just did not work well at all. You will experience the cold, cold steel of the bottom three stools tomorrow evening.

FINAL PREDICTION - It's time for Carly to "say hello, wave goodbye" as my favorite Welsh singer would say. 10 points to the first ECB reader who can ID songwriter and CD.