A Sports Guide to Politics for Barack Obama

Since Hillary Clinton continues to refuse to concede defeat to Barack Obama, I thought I might suggest a new approach for the junior senator from Illinois. He needs to treat the campaign like a sporting event.

1) If Michigan and Florida counted, it'd be a tie - The sports parallel here is obvious. Hillary obviously feels like the referees jobbed her by tossing out her "wins". Obama needs only point out that the referees are part of the game. Only losers whine about poor officiating (see Seahawks, Super Bowl XL). Plus if Hillary had gotten those early calls, who's to say that Obama wouldn't have played the rest of the game differently?

2) I can win the big states - I like to call this the Phoenix Suns/San Antonio Spurs argument. Sure, Phoenix is prettier to watch. They hit the big shots and make the great passes and generally look like the real thing. The only problem is they don't win in the column that matters: points. Hillary might hit the big three or send home the thunderous dunk, but for the rest of the game she's getting outworked and outhustled by Obama.

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If you want to look at it on a whole season level, Hillary's argument is that she beats the good teams. That just means she's one of those teams that makes you want to pull your hair out, like when the Orioles take a series from the Yankees only to get swept by the Rays and Royals the next week.

blahblaahblah McCain always uses that crossover he learned in Hanoi

3) Barack can't put me away - Ever since the so-called Potomac Primaries, we've been waiting for Obama to issue the coup de grace and send Hillary seeking consolation in her vast pile of money. Barack has two sports parallels here. First, he took his foot off the gas. Of course he played a bit more conservatively with such a large lead. He might have allowed a cheapie touchdown, but he's still got the game under control. Second, he's been caught looking ahead a little bit to the next opponent, John McCain. It'd be nice to get some work in for the next opponent, and unfortunately it's let Hillary make the game look closer than it really is. Vegas handicappers are sweating a bit. So long as he doesn't pull a Patriotesque choke, he'll still be hoisting the Lombardi.

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4) Rev. Wright shows Barack chooses bad friends - This one is easy. We don't care what you do off the field so long as you bring it on game day. Barack attended a church with a sometimes-crazy pastor? So what. Michael Jordan hung out with gamblers. Wilt Chamberlain hung out with sexually transmitted organisms that haven't even been discovered yet. Ray Lewis may or may not have taken part in a double murder. So long as he brings his A game to the Oval Office, he can do whatever he wants on Sunday morning.

What is the bottom line? SCOREBOARD BITCH. The lead is insurmountable and the clock is winding down. She can say whatever she wants and take her moral victories, but at the end of the season there's going to be a big fat ring on Obama's finger. I'm sure Barack will let Hillary kiss the ring, like Michael Jordan does every time he sees Karl Malone.