News Roundup Aug. 1, 2007

Here are the headlines you've seen, and some you haven't.

1) So-called "Super Tuesday", where Bonds had a shot at 755 (or more), A-Rod could get his 500th (or more) and Tom Glavine could win his 300th (but no more) has come and gone with nothing happening. I wouldn't be surprised if the same trio is looking for the same trio this Sunday, or whenever Glavine starts again.

2) Mark Madsen (Stanford/Lakers' dance sensation) and DeadSpin both lament the loss of Kevin Garnett to the Boston Whining Simmonses.

3) MAJOR DC unveils a new Nats hat. I kind of like it. I also would have liked if the Washington Post had a headline informing me of the Nats actions at the trading deadline today. I checked at 4:30p, expecting a headline like the Baltimore Sun and Milwaukee fishrag both nicely provided, but instead I got a story about Freddy Adu (that big soccer guy who isn't Pele, Beckham, Alexi Lalas, Kobe, etc. etc. etc.) playing in Portugal. No, seriously, the Nats are enjoying great success that will survive the initial euphoria of opening a stadium no better than Comerica, that crap in Pissburgh, etc.

4) Just Call Me Juice, the Veronica Corningstone of the Channel 4 News Team, likes the Garnett trade and likes the Scott Proctor trade. I like Dick Cheney and Martin Luther King, Jr. As the title of the blog indicates, all people are required to either support Boston or New York sports. Only people in Baltimore and Philly are excepted, and only because those cities have an inferiority complex that Boston's inferiority complex is better.

5) Rod Beck had cocaine in his house. Who cares? I'm tired of reading stories about famous athletes being knocked down once they've passed. If I was butt-rich, and I was a known party hound like Rod Beck, I might have a little nose candy hanging around once I retired on my $20M. Does this seem like a guy who wanted to be pushing 90 in a retirement home? Next up: Bill Walsh once drank caffeinated tea. Stories like this are why I'm watching this horrible Giants-Dodgers game just to see poor poor Barry stroke one.

6) The NYG are behaving as though Strahan won't show up this year. Oh really? O RLY? Then why haven't you signed Simeon Rice? I know why. Because you're full of shit. You want Strahan back, because if you have to fire Coughlin midseason, you need vet leadership, and Tiki is on NBC. The Giants want to pretend Strahan is a distraction, but he's just the distraction they'll need after a 1-5 start (and that win comes over the Skins natch).

7) I've heard (not seen, I work) John McEnroe on PTI on Monday and Tuesday this week. He's pretty good. 94.3 to the west, 92.7 to the east, 730 AM....ALL OVER DeeeeCeeeeee. Is that enough, Sir Snyder? Do I still owe the $25 webparking fee?

8) Shady Jimmy has something to say about Bowden and the Nats that doesn't include the phrases "inner rectum licker", "fucking moron", "mouth breather, if you replace 'mouth' with 'anus'", "numbnuts", or "Forrest".

9) The Loss Column, on the other hand, reports that the Orioles are still kickass and headed for a wild card.

10) I speak for all bloggers on this site when I say that we're all big fans of Awful Announcing. Congrats on the new layout. Arial Narrow has never looked so good....nor sexified.

11) I watched the SF-LAD MLB game (and I resent having to write LAD now that ANA is LAA). It was okay. I was not prepared to see the WBNA crap that aburptly followed.

12) The Raiders signed Daunte Culpepper today, while JaMarcus Russell holds out. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Daunte wanted a one-year deal, so he avoided the Jax three-year deal? Has Daunte BEEN FUCKING WATCHING JAX?!?!? They had a QB controversy between Leftwich and Garrard last season. They seriously brought Tim Couch in to compete for the third QB spot. I get that Daunte wanted a one-year deal, and somewhere he could start. What's wrong with TB? Is he scared of a little battle with Jeff Garcia, but not of Andrew Walter? In Baltimore he'd start 8 games if my fears are correct. And then there's Atlanta, where Daunte could be God.

Oh, that's right. Daunte is his own agent. How's that been working for you?