Idol Recap - Feb. 20, 2008

Since Jeremy is out with the "Why Did I Go to Law School? Flu" (it's epidemic in these parts), Idol Recap duty falls to me. Unfortunately for you, our still baffled reader, I haven't seen a single episode of Idol prior to tonight. Fortunately for you, I haven't seen a single episode of Idol prior tonight, so I'm not corrupted by the Idol pre-performance propaganda machine.

I will open by noting that the girls are strong in the rack department this year. That's what I like to see. Odds are that four of them will have no shot anyway, so at least give me something(s) to look at while we wait for their inevitable departure.

Seacrest tells us that the contestants have been struck by cold/flu season. We'll see which girl plays the "sick" card first after an especially galling performance.

1) Kristy Lee Cook (Rescue Me - Aretha Franklin) - First of all, you won't win over many viewers by describing how you sold your favorite horse to audition for Idol in Philly (especially when you live in Oregon). The girl is cute (tall skinny blonde), but the song was boring. She has none of Aretha's tone and absolutely NO charisma. I've been in the car with people who sang it more convincingly. Randy Abdul noted that she was sick and had to go first. Simon said the song didn't suit her, her performance was robotic.

2) Joanne Borgella (Say a Little Prayer for You - Aretha Franklin) - She's a charming African-American plus-sized model (and we're talking Lane Bryant, not Mandisa). She has excellent tone and good rhythm for the song. It slows down a bit towards the end, but she started so strong that she should survive. Randy says "pretty good" and disagrees with me on the first part. He thought she finished strong. Paula said something incoherent. Simon said he did not like it at all, calling it a cabaret version of a cabaret song. Simon agreed with me that the second half was worse than the first. She handled the criticism very well and kept smiling.

3) Alaina Whitaker (I Love You More Today than Yesterday - Diana Ross) - Ditzy cute blonde, talked about her shoes. Looks like a slightly busted version of Carrie Underwood, but she's only 16 so we'll give her a pass. Alaina has enunciation issues, but a very strong voice. Still the song was unrecognizable before the chorus, which is an Idol staple. The belters never seem to try until the big notes. It was a good performance, very slow start but she finished well with the big notes. Randy agreed with me that the beginning was rough, but he liked it overall. Paula said she captured the joyous nature of the song and loved the ending. Simon said that he thinks she is very good, though he hated the song because it's corny.

4) Amanda Overmyer (Baby, Please Don't Go - Muddy Waters/Van Morrison/AC DC/Aerosmith) - This is a goth-looking white girl with a bleach blond streak in her bangs. She sang Janis for Hollywood week. Unfortunately slightly resembles Rosanne Barr, though not overweight. The guitar drowned out the difficult scat intro. I think she was doing the Aerosmith version, since I could hear Stephen Tyler doing it. She's got a great rock voice and handled a very difficult hard rock take on a classic blues song. Randy loved her bluesy rock twist on it (though I still suspect she stole either the AC/DC or Aerosmith version). Paula called her authentic (an authentic what?) and the real deal. Simon said he really liked her and found her "genuinely authentic" (redundant, and an authentic what?). Simon accused her of missing the lyrics, but Randy, Paula and Amanda informed him that she was scatting, which Simon seemed to buy. She has some charisma, which doesn't seem to be lacking on the girls side.

5) Amy Davis (Where the Boys Are - Connie Francis) - Did you see "My Box in a Box", the take off on Justin Timberlake/Andy Samberg's "My Dick in a Box"? This girl looks likes her with a slightly longer face and a practiced pageant smile (but similarly nice rack). Her personality is non-descript, which also perfectly describes her boring-ass performance. I thought I was seeing a slow dance scene from a 1960's movie. Seriously, we went from Aretha and Diana Ross to Muddy Waters to Connie Francis? Snore. Randy found pitch problems and wasn't impressed by her big finish. Even the boos are half-hearted. Paula gave her standard shitty performance criticism, saying "the camera loves you" before adding that the performance was lackluster. Simon agreed she looked great but didn't sound great, calling the song and the arrangement boring.

6) Brooke White (So Happy Together - The Turtles) - Kate Hudson apparently has an alias. This girl has nice long wavy blonde hair and a good smile. If she can sing, I could get attached to her. She is very well-spoken and sure of herself. Her voice has some of the gravelly tone of Jewel's, at least in the low notes. The song is a good choice because it's instantly recognizable. She had to cut off a held-out note in the middle, likely because of taking a breath at the wrong point. She moves well at the mike and plays with her beautiful hair at the right moments. The ending is "bah-bah-bahs" and "bup bup bups", which doesn't allow for a big finish. Randy admitted what I've said, that the beginning doesn't matter if you kill the end. Paula said that she's original. Simon said she picked the right song, but the night feels like a 60's commercial for him. Unfortunately, Ms. White is Mrs. White.

7) Alexandrea Lushington (Spinning Wheel - Blood, Sweat and Tears) - She is an attractive younger African-American female. She has an interesting style, wearing a Boy Scouts shirt to Hollywood and tailored flared dress pants, a white t-shirt and suspenders tonight (showing off her assets). She seemed a bit nervous, but performed well. Randy loved it. Paula complimented her entrance and her outfit, and said she had great confidence. Simon said he didn't get it, and said something else whining about the 60's. He didn't love the vocals as much as Randy and Paula. I seem to be between the two camps.

8) Kady Malloy (A Groovy Kind of Love - Phil Collins) - I can barely tell her from Alaina Whitaker, though she's slightly hotter. She's 18, so I feel more comfortable noting that she's hot and has quite nice tits. She does a good Britney impression from back when Britney was hot. Her voice is a little deeper than most of the other girls, which might serve her well in some of the theme weeks. I found her performance as boring as the song. If you don't know the song, note that the word "groovy" is in the title. I hate the word "groovy". Randy complimented her Britney impression, but found the performance restrained and controlled. Paula noted how pretty she is, but didn't see enough of her personality. Simon agreed with Paula, calling it "Night of the Living Dead." He notes that she seems to only have personality when she is doing impressions. She looks very hurt by Simon relating her actual personality to a pencil.

9) Asia'h Epperson (Take Another Little Piece of My Heart - Dusty Springfield/Janis Joplin) - I'm going to be forgiving on name spelling, since the girls didn't name themselves. Asia'h's dad died two days before her initial audition. She's an attractive African American girl with pretty curly hair, possibly with some Asian heritage. She sings with a lot of sass and has very sexy lips and a nice smile. Her voice is a little dusky, but not throaty. She started very well, but her voice broke a little towards the end. The whole performance was entertaining though. I suspect she is one of the sick ones. Randy said he loved it. Paula said she had some really nice moments. Simon said it was his favorite of the night and that she is fun and likeable.

10) Ramiele Malubay (You Don't Have to Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield) - Ramiele is a petite exotic-looking 20-year-old. You could tell me she is Asian, Hispanic, African-American, Filipino, some combination or from a different background entirely and I'd believe you. She picked a very difficult song with a slow start that requires precision. She had choreographed head moves that were well-executed. The song was a perfect choice because it's instantly recognizable and it builds nicely throughout. Randy noted that she executed the beginning well and ended it strong. Paula complimented her "accents" with her head. Simon said he didn't like her at first, but each round has been more and more impressed with her. He said she out-sung the competition.

11) Syesha Mercado (Tobacco Road - Nashville Teens/Jefferson Airplane/David Lee Roth/The Animals) - Another cute African-American girl with a mini-Diana Ross hairdo (but far less frizzy, I can't describe it better. I'm tired). She has a nice face structure, and a nice body structure too. I wish Simon had been a boob man seasons ago. She looked nervous at first and her voice was shaky, but she hit a big ending note that got Paula standing. Since she finished well, she'll get compliments. Randy said it was a little shaky in the middle, but he liked it. Paula said it was joyful and big. Simon said it wasn't her best, but it doesn't matter because she's one of the most talented. He said it was terrific.

12) Carly Smithson (Shadow of Your Smile - Barbra Streisand/Frank Sinatra/Tony Bennett/Stevie Wonder/Eva Cassidy) - Ah, the dark-haired blue-eyed Irish chick with tattoos all the way down her right arm. I only wish she had a thicker accent. She looks a little Evanescence, which scares me. She also has a little Celine Dion nose scrunch on bigger notes, which also scares me. She has the best voice of the girls, though a couple higher notes might have been a little flat. I wasn't familiar with the song, though looking at who has recorded it I would think it's a "standard". She appears ill, coughing afterwards. Randy said it was the best vocal of the top 24. Paula said she is the lucky coin in the pocket, reliable. I can almost no longer hear Paula's voice. My brain shuts down to protect itself. Simon said he didn't get it, and implied that she is overhyped. He said it was a letdown, and her "mike technique" was cabaret.

For the record, without commercials Idol runs about 37 minutes. Thank God for DVR and it's USB equivalents.

Where They Stand

Safe for Sure - Amanda Overmyer, Brooke White, Asia'h Epperson, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado, Carly Smithson

Lucky to Be Hot - Kady Malloy, Alaina Whitaker, Alexandrea Lushington

In Trouble - Kristy Lee Cook, Joanne Borgella, Amy Davis

My picks for the two girls to be eliminated are Kristy Lee Cook and Amy Davis. Joanne Borgella had the bad luck to go early, but she picked a song that people love and she stands out from the competition as the only girl to wear bigger than a size 4. Kristy Lee Cook and Amy Davis are forgettable and gave forgettable performances. With 12 telephone numbers, that should be fatal. If there is a bottom four, add Alaina Whitaker (who should be safe on talent and her performance, but likely isn't because she didn't distinguish herself in any way). Kady Malloy is just too damn hot to be in any trouble this far out.