The Billick Vote of Confidence - Dream Scenario

[This is a continuing look at the baffling report in the Baltimore Sun that Ravens' head coach Brian Billick will return next year. Read the first part here.]

First off, we will take the Baltimore Sun at its word. The Sun was told by an anonymous source (whether this means a source who asked to remain anonymous or an anonymous tip is uncertain, but I take it to mean a source who asked to remain anonymous) that Brian Billick has been informed that he will return next year.

Normally, the owner comes out and verbally gives the dreaded "vote of confidence", but this owner, Steve Bisciotti, refuses to comment on football matters during the season. That's an admirable stance and it was adopted, most likely, to avoid just this type of in-season distraction. Luckily, it also allows me to fantasize about this January 7, 2008, press conference.

blah Bisciotti informing Billick that you have to throw the ball vertically in basketball

blahblAlternate caption: Billick gets bouncing the ball, it's the passing that baffles him

Bisciotti: I'd like to thank everyone for coming. As you know, this has been a very disappointing season. Today we informed Brian Billick that we have terminated his contract, and that we will be moving in a new direction next season.

Sun Hack: Earlier you told Billick that he would be returning next season. What made you revoke that promise?

Bisciotti: I never said any such thing to Billick.

Sun Hack: But our source said you did.

Bisciotti: (doing Bob Knight impression) Who told you that? Was it me? No, it wasn't me. The whole point of my refusal to talk football matters during the season is that it prevents littlebrains like you from taking my words and parsing them. Whoever your source is, he either lied or was mistaken. When a coach is terminated, other people are often terminated as well. That might lead one to throw out a false news story indicating the coach will be back next year, just so the owner either looks like an ass or backs down and invites him back.

Sun Hack: I'm sorry sir. I like your tan.

Bisciotti: Damn right you do.