So us ECB contributors have been bantering back and forth all afternoon about this topic and that the joke was too easy to make. We realized somebody has to make the joke. And that somebody is me. And J-Red is right that I am going to hell if this turns out to be throat cancer...
ESPN reports that Dick Vitale underwent surgery to treat ulcers on his vocal cords today and that he will be out of the television booth until February. Dick Vitale isn't biased in favor of Duke... anybody who looks at the picture above can tell you that.
Only marginally more attractive than real Duke cheerleaders.I love Duke University
I think we all know the real reason why Dick Vitale developed ulcers on his throat. Coach K's schlong was so far inside Dookie V's mouth that it scraped the vocal cords making him more succeptible to ulcers. Hell, we all know Dookie V and Coach K share so much man-on-man love that the only living creature that's been further up Coach K's ass are the gerbils (which are cloned from Coach K's face) that run free up there.
I understand I lose all blogger credibilty for this post. But who really gives a good goddamn? We're Terp fans. Any fan of an ACC school that doesn't have four letters and rhyme with "nuke" is ready to puke whenever we hear Dookie V doing our team's broadcast or whenever we see him on Sportscenter. The man has a unique talent to use any talking point possible as a jumping off point to discuss Duke alums, Duke coaches, or Cameron Indoor Stadium. The man could transition a discussion of the crop patterns of Namibia to a discussion of how Coach K manages to recruit the smartest kids to play in front of the Cameron Crazies year after year. It's disgusting. I truly believe that there's a room in hell with Around the Horn on 24/7 featuring Woody Page, Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith, and Dick Vitale.
I want to have manly love with Dickie V.
How to close this horrible post? Well, Dookie V... seriously... don't die, because I'll feel bad. But please, let this illness remove you from the broadcast booth for a few seasons. At least I can choose to avoid your columns on ESPN.com.
5 Responses:
You're going to hell if it's throat cancer but we'll all be in heaven if it's throat herpes.
I've never been a huge Vitale hater. He's certainly annoying on TV, and he definitely loves Duke, but he also loves the rest of the ACC. He's about as big of an advocate for Gary Williams as you'll find in the booth.
What made it impossible for me to really hate him was an incident at Cole Field House. It was the last year at Cole, and Dickie V was calling one of the games (don't remember which one). The student section was pretty well filled in 2 hours before game time, and Vitale came out to do some prep work. Of course, he got booed and jeered and everyone shouted crap about Duke at him. He had a big smile on his face, walked over to the student section, shook my hand, and started telling the students how much he loves Maryland and Gary.
I know that doesn't excuse his Duke love, but it's really hard for me to hate someone who can take abuse like that with such good humor.
That's my take on him too. He loves Duke, but he also just loves basketball. I think he's probably one of the nicest men in broadcasting (along with Mike Patrick), and he definitely loves college kids.
And I appreciate that you spread some ire to Woody Paige and Skip Bayless. I hate Skip Bayless, I just feel sorry for Woody.
FIRST OFF...ALL of you are JELAOUS of Duke just like the rest of the Country. He is one of the best announcers in history. So what if he shows a little bias to Duke, thats the least he can do. Afterall the WHOLE country hates on us, and its all about you all wanting to be as good as us! So befor you write a column you should maybe realize how bad your team SUCKS! (MD) and stop hating on Duke as we swept u this year!
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